The Elephant

There’s an elephant in the room. Well, actually it’s this nagging dark cloud of uncertainty that whispers in my ear every day. Every freaking day. “They will leave you behind.” “They will mock your efforts and watch you walk away with tears and not care.” It’s the fear that my awesome family, the very people that have motivated me to be better, will turn their backs on me. Forget me. Make fun of me. My own children will take joy in my demise. 

I recognize that these feelings may be irrational, that maybe even no one else feels this way. Who knows. It doesn’t matter. These fears are real for me. And it has actually happened on a small scale so it feels like it’s very possible that we could encounter “the big one” in the future. But what am I to do with that? Should it control my every move? Should it dictate my direction? I feel like in wisdom, I should have a back up plan. If the team falls apart, can I use what I have learned? Or will I be crippled beyond repair?

I know many people fear that their business partners will decide to go a different route, that’s reasonable. I get that. But this is family, right? I think even in family we have to recognize autonomy. We have to let our loved ones make their own choice. But it sure is hard. We have to make sure we are striving for something that is not dependent on someone else’s skills. Sure, it makes life a whole lot easier when we can leverage the strengths of our loved ones but we shouldn’t get upset when they want to venture away. So shore up your own boat so you won’t sink if you find yourself suddenly alone. 

Team Efforts

I got lucky, again. My two sons here are pretty amazing. The oldest one is a 3D artist and the younger one has been studying C# for a while now. Because Jason was working, I asked them to help me understand the next thing on my study plan. Lerp. Lerp is another way of transforming an object, I know that that is the most simplistic explanation but that’s all I got for now. I was going to use transform.translate but Toby(oldest son) quickly told me that for performance reasons, let’s stick with Lerp. We created a block snowman and used another block to knock him all down.


Let’s get some clarity on what this blog is all about, shall we? Getting visitors to this blog is definitely not my main goal. Sure, it would be nice to have people benefit from my experience but it’s not my main focus. I wanted to blog my experience for my kids and those that may be discouraged in their own journey. 

I have some experience with coding, have dabbled in it for several years. I have built websites for people before the web got flooded with companies like Wix. It was a fun, on the side thing that I enjoyed. Being a homeschool mom with 8 kids left me with little time to pursue things but I did my best. I pursued a lot of things actually. Sewing, woodworking, music production, and yes, even studied blender for a little while years ago. I have always bounced around but never really committed to one thing.

Because of my nature I went through a sort of identity crisis. Who was I meant to be(intellectually) and why couldn’t I figure that out? I listened to a Jordan Peterson talk about those people who claim to be a “jack of all trades but a master of none”. He basically said that they have a tendency to go through this identity crisis thing. In order to help with that, they must pick one thing to focus on, even if they will never be a master of it. They just have to stick with it. So in an effort to apply wisdom, I decided to do just that. I am committed to programming. Even if it’s not my 8-hour-a-day thing, I will program every day, because that’s what programmers do.

I do have a vision of the future. It includes AR/VR so that’s why I am going down that road. And my husband agrees with me, so that makes it even more appealing to trail blaze down this risky path.


2.Pick a thing and commit to it

3.See how far you can go

4.Don’t regret

Focus on the step

Everyone starts somewhere. And yet, we carry a belief that states that we must master a skill without struggle and failure. We somehow see learning something as a race to a finish line. It’s my belief that the process of learning isn’t a race. There are no finish lines. This is actually somewhat depressing for those of us who like check off boxes and goals. But really, the reason that it bothers us is because we were taught that learning is supposed to be an end. The end result being a job. If we reframe our beliefs around learning, we can actually be progressive in this world that has become…progressive.

There’ve been many adventures that I have embarked on but the one that has been the most difficult is programming. There’s a somewhat difficult learning curve for sure. But the thing that killed me was the lack of clearly seen progress. The mastery of a few concepts results in something that really isn’t very useful and few people rarely see it as something to be praised. It takes a while for you to come to a point where you actually produce something useful, only to find out someone built it better a fews years before.

So why continue? If there are so many people ahead and the road is so long? This is where discipline and desire step in. No one will continue something like this unless they actually enjoy it or see themselves surpassing all those people who think they have “arrived” and refuse to keep learning. You see, you should always be learning, especially in fields that are so progressive. There is no end date. So those people who aren’t continuing their education in the tech field are basically digging their own grave.

I am lucky. I have a husband who agrees and strives to continually educate himself. I decided to take advantage of my situation by asking him to set the trajectory of my studies and guide me as I take each step up the stairwell of development. It’s easy to imagine the excitement that came over him. His mind raced with ideas as we discussed the different technologies. And so it began, him and I. How lucky am I that I get my own tech mentor? So if you are interested in finding out what he’s got planned for me, stay tuned!